Anxieties

There are moments when they are overwhelming, the moments when we choke, when we feel like we are dying, falling in the void, when we startle for the least little noise and call for help to God without pride.


There are moments when they seem to have disappeared... but they are still there, like a background program always running...


Without knowing it, we behave so as to keep them hidden in the background, contained. We stick to reassuring routines, which don't cost much energy.... 

We need the energy to keep them under control. This routines can take many forms, sometimes they are called addictions, and sometimes they are just "comfort zones"  


Anxieties. Feelings of feeling horrible, feelings of having to but having not to, feelings of waste, of fear, of damnation.


There are remedies. Long term remedies, Things to practice when we can, when we think of it, when suddenly we have no choice. Making a stop. No thinking, no distraction. No action. Just feeling. Being where we are, not where we strive. Slowing down, breathing, just being where we are. That's meditation. And maybe, maybe, calling for help and trusting we are heard.

 

 

Watery Signs Blues

"I am sorry, I didn't have enough time to be brief."

I remember Jean-Charles making a speech for his brother in law's birthday. This was his leitmotiv: "I am sorry, I didn't have enough time to be brief." Marcel Proust wrote these words at the end of a letter to a friend. Jean-Charles kept repeating them as he conspicuously enjoyed speaking at length about the art of being brief.

 Jean-Charles' and Marcel Proust's star sign was Cancer (as is my rising sign) I don't know why the sign "Cancer" is not straightforwardly called "crab" given that it is symbolized by a crab, which is a creature that walks sideways. A crab is a typical rambler, as Jean-Charles and Marcel Proust were, with great talent.

 (Jean-Charles, by the way, was the husband of my ex-partner's aunt, on her mother's side, and he was making this speech for his wife's sister's husband, but this husband of my ex partner's mother, even though well loved, was not her father. Crabs love knowing everything about family ties)

A crab, or a Cancer, needs to go round and round in circles and circles. It can't reach its goals without knowing everything about the environment, unlike an ultra straightforward Aries, who will reach the goal and find out about the context afterwards. A Cancerian individual may take more time to get where they want to get, but he or she is less likely to get killed by their own goals. I don't say this to criticise, we need kamikazes in this zodiac after all. As for me, Cancer Rising and Neptunian by Sun conjunction, the universe is the goal, therefore I am at risk of rambling for a while all around the zodiac... 

”Sorry” said Marcel Proust to his friend at the end of a long letter,” I didn't had have time to be brief...”

 One day, Jean-Charles died by drowning. He liked fishing. He had spent a lot of time  pulling fish out of the water, where they could breathe at ease in their own way. One day his car slipped on a muddy path, it  overturned and fell into the water. He was trapped inside. It must have been a difficult moment, unless the adrenaline or any other chemical produced by the brain made it a completely different experience than the scary one we don't dare to imagine too vividly,..

 Jean-Charles' rising sign was Scorpio, as I am by my Sun. Doesn’t death suit a Scorpio well? When the idea of dying becomes as scary as imagining yourself trapped in a car that has fallen wheels up into muddy waters then our mortal condition feels so unbearable... So unbearable that it's called Anxiety and is considered a mental health problem. When the imagination becomes so vivid that we feel trapped in a little box without air to breathe  then the need for another state of consciousness becomes extreme. At the bottom of the pool  will there be a door opening?

If we are spirit, being a little fish suddenly eaten alive by a kingfisher or a fisherman pulled into the the water by a fish shouldn't be more than a peak of intensity in the great dance of transformation... Can we take refuge in spirit and be eternally safe? Can we get out of here alive?

Sorry, I didn't have time to be brief...

 Jean-Marc Pierson

http://jeanmarcpierson.com 

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